Wednesday, July 30, 2014

MFJ || v.01

Being happy and confident with my body image was a daily, almost hourly struggle. I have a loving family and a wonderful husband who tell me I'm beautiful all the time, but something still tugged in the back of my mind every time someone uttered those words to me. I know that I wasn't alone with those feelings, as many of us women and men feel it, too. My confidence is slowly growing, and I'm beginning to love how I look. 

2011, when Rob and I moved back to BC and had our own apartment.

If I think about it enough, my self esteem went downhill around Grade 6/7. My mom, my sisters, and I all lived with a man who didn't treat us the way someone who loves you, should treat you. I pretty much ate my emotions. It didn't help that we took the bus to school, would eat pizza and other fried foods a couple times a week. When we finally left that house in 2006 (grade 9), my mom did the best thing she could have done for us! We cut out white bread and fried foods, ate multigrain and vegetables, and started walking to school! I lost weight quickly, let myself out of my shell, made more friends, and even got a boyfriend! That relationship lasted from Grade 10 to Grade 12, and after we broke up, I lost more weight. It wasn't a healthy way of losing the pounds, as it was from staying up all night drinking and eating McDonald's in the morning. From there, it was hard to keep myself at that weight and I struggled with other aspects of my life. I moved to Alberta, Canada for the change in scenery, and that's when I met my now-husband.

2012, Wedding dress shopping and college graduation. Almost two years of dating Rob!

Rob and I moved in together pretty quickly and were SO happy! We ate out a lot and made "gourmet" dinners together. Our eating habits both went from relatively healthy to utter crap. The pounds started piling on! When we bought my wedding dress in 2012, I told myself I wanted to get rid of that "shadow" under my belly and also told myself that I would eat better and work out. Wedding planning got super stressful, and on top of it all, I was told that I was allergic to dairy, eggs, wheat, and sesame seeds. Instead of going the logical route of eating more vegetables and protein, I ate a LOT of bacon and hash browns. I did that for 4 months. I caved and ate regular foods again, and the pounds kept piling on. I was also so focused on planning the wedding and working 4 jobs, that I neglected my body. During the last few months of wedding planning, I started to notice how much weight I had put on. With the stress of how I looked, my coping method was apparently to just not think about it. I regret it to this day.

2013, self esteem at an all time low, regardless of it being one of the happiest times of my life

My wedding day was a turning point for me. I look at the photos and I see that the dress fit tighter than it did when we purchased it. I see the smile that never left my face, but the chins to accompany it. I see the gorgeous hair colour and style that took time to perfect for the day, but that it could have looked better on a thinner face. It won't always be like this for me, as one day I will look at the pictures everyone took and will tell myself that I worked hard and don't look like that anymore.

2014, moved to Alberta and got my dream job

After our wedding, Rob was offered a job back in Alberta, so we packed everything in our tiny apartment and moved provinces. Our stuff is currently in storage and we're living at my dad's house until we're on our feet. It'll be a year in September since we moved here, and it has not been without stress. Our vehicles kept crapping out and we had almost no money to fix them or for an alternative vehicle. I was working at a job I didn't like, until January 2014, when I landed my dream job! That's where I met my friend Hailey. Her boyfriend is a personal trainer and she mentioned that she had lost almost 60 pounds. She invited me along for a workout session after work one day, and I've been hooked ever since. We started in March, and at the beginning of April, it was my first assessment. It was terrible. I hadn't stepped on a scale since my high school graduation 5 years ago, and found that I had gained more than 50 pounds since then. 

Since that assessment, I've been working out with Hailey 2-4 times a week, and I'm slowly changing my eating habits. We've also become amazing friends! My lunches at work had more vegetables, less carbs and sodium, and more protein. I've seen small changes, and so has Rob. I can't even begin to describe how much it helps me and how amazing it makes me feel when out of nowhere, Rob says, "I'm really proud of you for doing what you're doing." It gives me more confidence and a bigger push to continue on the path that I'm on now. 

I've got a long journey ahead of me, but I'm positive that my self-love will sky rocket along the way. I'm not going to stop when I reach a certain weight, as this is a lifestyle change. I will share my journey with you, and I hope that this can help someone else with their self confidence and love. I'll be sharing all sorts of things with you about my journey, including recipes and motivators. I hope that documenting my journey on here will also help someone else! 

xo. Nicole


  1. You are gorgeous no matter what size you are:)

  2. Thank you! I'm slowly learning to really take compliments instead of just smiling and pushing them away. So, hearing/reading them now really helps. Thank you <3

  3. Be proud of yourself. You're looking great.

  4. Thank you! I'm getting there, and I am proud of myself for even starting this journey. Thank you again!

  5. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. You should definitely be proud of yourself!

  6. Thank you! I've teared up so many times since hitting 'publish' on this post, and it's all from so many wonderful comments like yours. Thank you :)